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sigay 38, Female, Philippines - 25 entries

Oct 2010
7:13 PM PST

Fear

What am I afraid of? I fear what I don't know because I may not be able to act against that fear and suffer whatever grave consequence it might bring me. I am afraid of relationships, because it is a commitment, and I might not be able to sustain that commitment, lose patience, and lose the relationship altogether. I am afraid of intimacy, because it would be heart-breaking to be hurt by bringing foul to knowing what I am, my body, my soul and my flesh. I fear love, because it means that I have to take responsibility in taking care of that person, which I am not prepared to do right now. I am selfish, I admit. It is my way of preserving myself. Maybe in time, when I am more mature enough to do these things, then will I have no fear of these.

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1 comment(s) - 05:50 PM - 11/01/2010

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supercute1 37, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 15 entries

Oct 2010
5:02 PM EDT

I Found Me in the Middle of Everyone Else

Running to a dry fountain was not helping the fact I was thirsty. My thinking was wrong and I had no idea how to make it right. I also had no idea who would be around to help me. Thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness were playing in my head�like a broken record (replaying over and over again and again). I also had no idea who would be around to help me. I needed help but didn't know where to find it. All this thinking was consuming me. It was literally taking over my life.

I was in college and built a road to success. Within a month that bridge was torn down with a big mess. I know I was doing the right thing. I just don't know why I was putting so much pressure on myself. My doctor told me that I over analyze things. My family told me the same thing. But in all honesty, I was confused about everything happening around me. Talking to my doctor was the best route to take because that was where I found help. I learned how to take care of myself first. I learned that in order to love and care for anyone else I have to love and care for myself. Also, I learned that a happy life comes with the balance of work, leisure and sleep.

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lex 43, Female, California, USA - 137 entries

Oct 2010
12:32 PM PST

wow what a couple of months

It has been a while and I have to apoligize so much going on and I really should be journaling more would def help keep my thoughts in check.

So I broke up with Kirby last week......It kind of came out of no where and it kind of didn't . He is wonderful truly a great guy but just not the guy for me. We kept having these talks about me being more open him needing more from me more support more affection and I just tried to tell him I'm not like that but I would try to make it better and work on it all and i did I became more open and tried not to hold back to speak up more when things botthered me and I did well he even agreed but then last week he was quite and not really making contact so i went to a music fest and gave him some space apparently that is the wrong thing and got an email refering to his once again unhappiness with our "connection" and I was just fired up and threw up my hands I don't know what he wants he wants someone who isn't me is what I have figured out.� There were a few other factors but that was the main one.

So i broke it off and told him we needed to date different people and it wasnt fair to ask each other to be different to fit into what each other needed cause to me that should be natural we shouldn't be having these conversations in the first place. Truthfully I knew from the beging he wasn't for me but he was just so nice and attentive and not bad to look at I might add very adorable but in the end not the one for me. I tried I really did. I cried cried cried spent all day in bed on Friday sobbing it really hurts eventhough I know I made the right decision for me it doesn't make it hurt any less. Everyone seems to be backing me which is great to have my girlfriends behind me. I mean I seriously could have prob dated him for a few more months had a great time but know that it was never going to turn� into love cause i just don't have those feelings for him eventhough on paper i should be in reality i don't. so i bit the bullet and ended it now it hurts but better now than a year from now and I don't want to waste his time or mine turthfully if i know now that this isn't going to work might as well end it not fair to either of us.

I learned a lot in the six months we were together one, that I should be open and honest from day one no wasting anytime no trying to be perfect all the time no saying what i don't mean no trying to be who i think the other person wants me to be. two, listening to my intuition right off the bat that is a big one. three, really listening to myself and the people who know me.

So now back to working on myself starting this photo business and getting back to the gym seriously all i've had for the past five days is grilled cheese and cookies.........it's gonna be a slow recovery but i know deep in my heart i did the right thing for me. This relationship stuff is tough! it can really hurt sometimes but it can be really good sometimes too :)
�

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supercute1 37, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 15 entries

Oct 2010
4:21 PM EDT

Upset and hurt

I have another account with this sight. My username is: redshotlizard
Minutes ago I�tried logging into my old account and could not. I tried over and over again and again. Anyone that writes understands how upsetting it is to lose matterial they thought of and wrote on their own. I want whoever is out there that hacked into my accountto know�it is�pointless, it is�hurtful and it is selfish.��I'm just glad my most recent entry�was saved.�I am going to re-enter it.

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2 comment(s) - 10:37 AM - 11/05/2010

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LouieItaliano 30, Male, Illinois, USA - 2 entries

Oct 2010
1:12 PM EDT

well today is sunday supposevyl im having a good time for those who have boring sundays turn those sundays into something special:DD

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adassa1014 30, Male, Florida, USA - 16 entries

Oct 2010
5:52 PM EDT

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kate 57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries

Oct 2010
8:58 PM GMT

AH&B on Thursday. They were very attentive to me. Very nice. And then I picked up my dress in Debenhams. I simply love it - it is gorgeous. Yesterday I had an all over waxing, which was not very painful. I think lots of women are just that bit wimpy - how they ever give birth, I don't know. How can they think waxing is painful when they've known vagina-splitting agony?

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jroberts1941 82, Male, Kentucky, USA - 50 entries

Oct 2010
10:08 AM CST

Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude will drive out the blues.

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1 comment(s) - 10:02 PM - 11/12/2010

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lyubomirb 36, Male, Florida, USA - 44 entries

Oct 2010
4:25 PM EST

Life of millions is blinded.

It is not right, the world is wrong. I hear of the games and fights, but there are other problems. The death or suffering is all around. With the freedom they are blinded. They are waisting lives, they are worthless creatures. Destroying this planet and tame the living. So wrong, these people fight for fun and games. They are happy while others are in pain. Where is equality when you need it. Our lives maybe important, but more important are those who risk them. Those who deside to help those who never had a chance to be heathy and strong.

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whoami? 40, Female, Nebraska, USA - 60 entries

Oct 2010
6:24 AM CST

Fast to find the slow

Fast: Only three of the fifteen definitions for this word have something to do with abstaining from food or certain foods. The others all�have to do with quick movement, hurrying, rapid tempo, etc.

Interesting that we, or at least I, find it necessary to "fast" in order to slow down because the pace of my life is far too fast.�My struggle lies in the need or desire to slow down, but my flesh fights me and tells me that food is what I need rather than rest. So rather than slowing down, I eat in haste, I eat...fast. This in turn causes more anxiety and stress and makes me feel like life is moving even faster than before. So this is where the "fast" falls into line. It puts life back into perspective. It reminds me who's is charge here, not me. God. God is in charge here. His pace is so different than ours. Time is in his hands. He created the world, he sustains the world, and he'll be the one to end the world as it is, and begin new life eternally with all his family.

So why do we let the world today dictate how we live our lives? Why do we let others set�our pace? Because that pace is entirely too fast and I'd rather let God be in charge and listen to him when he tells me to enter into his rest, to slow down, reorganize my priorities, and just praise him. Praise him with every move I make and�every breath I take.

Today I'm fasting. It's a fast to find the slow. Not to find the lazy, not to find the excuse to do nothing, but to find Jesus in the midst of this chaotic life. To find Him so I can reflect him and stop following the ways of my flesh. To find Him so I can live Him, so I can be Christ to a lost, crazy, busy, lonely world.

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